3D Juggling 523: Pain
Jane writes: "Pain is a strange thing. It can be strong, it can be mild, it can be chronic, and it can be frightening. However it feels it’s impossible for anyone else to understand what it’s like for you. And sometimes, fortunately, it’s over. I recently cared for my daughter through her labour and was reminded that, when the pain of labour is over and a healthy new life is delivered, the memory of the pain soon fades away to make way for pleasure and wonder at what is possible as a result of real effort.
How does pain relate to coaching? Well, we don’t aim to inflict physical pain, although we find that helping people to identify and articulate the consequences of not taking action in a given situation can be painful for them. So is facing up to the truth about a situation and what this means. Recognising the impact of how we have behaved up to now can hurt as well.
We have found that where we are direct and honest with people, so that they can be truthful, they grasp responsibility for taking actions that they might not otherwise have contemplated. Facing the personal consequences of not taking action can be a powerful motivator, as can understanding that the pain to come will deliver a reward that will include pleasure and wonder about what is possible as a result of real effort.
Many executives have developed a high pain threshold, so sometimes we have to be very direct and challenging to jolt them into action. We do this carefully, mindful of the ethical guidelines and competencies of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
Where do you need to feel pain so that it will lead to learning and change? Think about it..."
© 2011 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
Showing posts with label Direct Communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Direct Communication. Show all posts
Friday, April 15, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
3D Juggling 520: Communicating Effectively
Jane writes: Towards the end of the 1967 movie Cool Hand Luke, Luke says “What we've got here is failure to communicate”. Then he gets shot. What he said may have been true, but it didn’t achieve the best of outcomes.
Communicating effectively is core to our success at work, at home, in our communities. It’s particularly important when we need to be agile during times of change. It doesn’t mean always saying what we feel or think when we’re feeling or thinking it and leaving the other person to deal with the fallout, and it doesn’t mean holding onto stuff until we explode over everyone. Maybe something that John Galliano should have understood. France, as Galliano is in the process of finding out, is a secular society with a zero tolerance policy to incitement of religious hatred, with culprits facing up to six months in jail.
Effective communication does mean treating others with respect, exchanging some meaning (so listening and checking things out is important), and creating some value. It allows for different views and beliefs, recognising that where these are different it is possible to acknowledge this and respect the other person’s position - allowing us to carry on our conversation.
We like the advice given in Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success in Work and in Life, One Conversation at a Time by Susan Scott, and Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Bruce Patton, Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen.
The phrase ‘what we've got here is failure to communicate’ is often used to allocate blame when it has not been possible to reach agreement about something, especially when we view the other person as a powerful opponent. What difference could it make if we viewed them as someone with a different view or agenda to ours rather than an opponent, and acknowledged this as a starting point for a new conversation?
© 2011 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
Jane writes: Towards the end of the 1967 movie Cool Hand Luke, Luke says “What we've got here is failure to communicate”. Then he gets shot. What he said may have been true, but it didn’t achieve the best of outcomes.
Communicating effectively is core to our success at work, at home, in our communities. It’s particularly important when we need to be agile during times of change. It doesn’t mean always saying what we feel or think when we’re feeling or thinking it and leaving the other person to deal with the fallout, and it doesn’t mean holding onto stuff until we explode over everyone. Maybe something that John Galliano should have understood. France, as Galliano is in the process of finding out, is a secular society with a zero tolerance policy to incitement of religious hatred, with culprits facing up to six months in jail.
Effective communication does mean treating others with respect, exchanging some meaning (so listening and checking things out is important), and creating some value. It allows for different views and beliefs, recognising that where these are different it is possible to acknowledge this and respect the other person’s position - allowing us to carry on our conversation.
We like the advice given in Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success in Work and in Life, One Conversation at a Time by Susan Scott, and Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Bruce Patton, Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen.
The phrase ‘what we've got here is failure to communicate’ is often used to allocate blame when it has not been possible to reach agreement about something, especially when we view the other person as a powerful opponent. What difference could it make if we viewed them as someone with a different view or agenda to ours rather than an opponent, and acknowledged this as a starting point for a new conversation?
© 2011 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
Monday, March 07, 2011
3D Juggling 518: Say What You See
As well as seeing clients this week, we will be putting into action some of the ideas which we came up with in our conversation with Business Link last week. Lynn has plans to go to Leicester several times in the next few weeks. Contact us if you'd like to meet her for coffee to talk about how we can help you. This week's juggling revisits something we said a few years ago (3D Juggling 367) because we think it's important! Remember that you can access all the old 3D Jugglings online
Claire writes: "The technical term is dissonance. The reality is that sometimes people will say one thing and their body language and whole demeanour will be saying something else. Sometimes there is just a mismatch, but usually something else is going on. The skill of the coach or, in fact, the good friend or colleague is to say what you see. No interpretation. No inference. Just to say what you notice. I have seen huge power in simple interventions like that in coaching which I have observed over the last couple of weeks.
It's the simplicity which carries the power. When a friend tells you how excited they are about all the extra work they've taken on, yet they look weighed down, the power is just to say what you notice. Quick reaction often forces us into: Are you sure you're not working too hard? I think you may have taken on too much. You must be careful. Those comments often produce defensiveness in their receivers. Simple is powerful: I hear you telling me how exciting the work is. And I see your body looking exhausted. What's that about?
It works with what you hear, as well!"
© 2008 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
‘Intuition really does come from the gut. It's also a kind of matching game based on experience. There are times when trusting your gut is the smartest move—and times you'd better think twice.’
Carlin Flora
We use gut feelings when coaching or trying to achieve a ‘break through’ in difficult situations. People tell us that this saves them a lot of time and enables transformational change. We can teach you how to recognise and use your gut feelings – and what to do when these prove to be wrong.
We cover this on Coaching for Excellence the next one is on 8/9 June and 5/6 July 2011 in Milton Keynes.
As well as seeing clients this week, we will be putting into action some of the ideas which we came up with in our conversation with Business Link last week. Lynn has plans to go to Leicester several times in the next few weeks. Contact us if you'd like to meet her for coffee to talk about how we can help you. This week's juggling revisits something we said a few years ago (3D Juggling 367) because we think it's important! Remember that you can access all the old 3D Jugglings online
Claire writes: "The technical term is dissonance. The reality is that sometimes people will say one thing and their body language and whole demeanour will be saying something else. Sometimes there is just a mismatch, but usually something else is going on. The skill of the coach or, in fact, the good friend or colleague is to say what you see. No interpretation. No inference. Just to say what you notice. I have seen huge power in simple interventions like that in coaching which I have observed over the last couple of weeks.
It's the simplicity which carries the power. When a friend tells you how excited they are about all the extra work they've taken on, yet they look weighed down, the power is just to say what you notice. Quick reaction often forces us into: Are you sure you're not working too hard? I think you may have taken on too much. You must be careful. Those comments often produce defensiveness in their receivers. Simple is powerful: I hear you telling me how exciting the work is. And I see your body looking exhausted. What's that about?
It works with what you hear, as well!"
© 2008 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
‘Intuition really does come from the gut. It's also a kind of matching game based on experience. There are times when trusting your gut is the smartest move—and times you'd better think twice.’
Carlin Flora
We use gut feelings when coaching or trying to achieve a ‘break through’ in difficult situations. People tell us that this saves them a lot of time and enables transformational change. We can teach you how to recognise and use your gut feelings – and what to do when these prove to be wrong.
We cover this on Coaching for Excellence the next one is on 8/9 June and 5/6 July 2011 in Milton Keynes.
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