3D Juggling 531: The importance of context
Claire writes: "After a recent coaching supervision where we had been exploring the power of saying very little, I said to the coach: 'Less is More'. She responded: 'Even less is even more.'
I was so struck by the powerfulness of her comment that I put it on Twitter. And received many strange responses including: I was puzzled because the logical extension was that nothing is everything. Either very profound or... :)
I still think 'Even less is even more' is profound in one to one conversations which are so often full of noise. And it's also a great lesson of the importance of context! Think about it..."
© 2011 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
Less is More
In 'Techniques for Coaching and Mentoring ', Megginson and Clutterbuck suggest that "It takes approximately 4.5 seconds of silence on the car radio for the average person in western society to change channels. Silence is a phenomenon we are ill equipped to handle; we attempt to fill it as quickly as possible. Yet silence truly can be golden"
If you are a coach, and you know that you talk too much, contract with your client at the beginning of the conversation that you won't break the silence - it's up to your client to tell you when they are ready to speak again.
Showing posts with label listening. Show all posts
Showing posts with label listening. Show all posts
Friday, June 17, 2011
Monday, June 06, 2011
3D Juggling 529: Exploration
Claire writes: “We took the team away last week for our annual 3D Residential where we benchmark our coaches’ skills, look at development for the year ahead and have fun together. For the third year in a row, we went to Little Gidding which is the subject of a TS Elliot poem. It has so much to teach us about what makes a powerful conversation:
“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.”
That’s what happens when we give people we listen to, space and time to think and be curious and understand differently. So next time you are talking and wonder whether you’re going round in circles, consider what exploring would be like? Think about it...
© 2011 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
In the News
The Government’s “listening exercise” on its NHS reforms were meant to finish last week. There’s a big difference between listening with an agenda and really listening. Real listening takes exploration, time and attention. I’m wondering what this felt like to those involved – and not involved?
Call us to talk about how we can help you are your team develop listening skills. Simply.
Claire writes: “We took the team away last week for our annual 3D Residential where we benchmark our coaches’ skills, look at development for the year ahead and have fun together. For the third year in a row, we went to Little Gidding which is the subject of a TS Elliot poem. It has so much to teach us about what makes a powerful conversation:
“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.”
That’s what happens when we give people we listen to, space and time to think and be curious and understand differently. So next time you are talking and wonder whether you’re going round in circles, consider what exploring would be like? Think about it...
© 2011 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
In the News
The Government’s “listening exercise” on its NHS reforms were meant to finish last week. There’s a big difference between listening with an agenda and really listening. Real listening takes exploration, time and attention. I’m wondering what this felt like to those involved – and not involved?
Call us to talk about how we can help you are your team develop listening skills. Simply.
Friday, April 15, 2011
3D Juggling 523: Pain
Jane writes: "Pain is a strange thing. It can be strong, it can be mild, it can be chronic, and it can be frightening. However it feels it’s impossible for anyone else to understand what it’s like for you. And sometimes, fortunately, it’s over. I recently cared for my daughter through her labour and was reminded that, when the pain of labour is over and a healthy new life is delivered, the memory of the pain soon fades away to make way for pleasure and wonder at what is possible as a result of real effort.
How does pain relate to coaching? Well, we don’t aim to inflict physical pain, although we find that helping people to identify and articulate the consequences of not taking action in a given situation can be painful for them. So is facing up to the truth about a situation and what this means. Recognising the impact of how we have behaved up to now can hurt as well.
We have found that where we are direct and honest with people, so that they can be truthful, they grasp responsibility for taking actions that they might not otherwise have contemplated. Facing the personal consequences of not taking action can be a powerful motivator, as can understanding that the pain to come will deliver a reward that will include pleasure and wonder about what is possible as a result of real effort.
Many executives have developed a high pain threshold, so sometimes we have to be very direct and challenging to jolt them into action. We do this carefully, mindful of the ethical guidelines and competencies of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
Where do you need to feel pain so that it will lead to learning and change? Think about it..."
© 2011 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
Jane writes: "Pain is a strange thing. It can be strong, it can be mild, it can be chronic, and it can be frightening. However it feels it’s impossible for anyone else to understand what it’s like for you. And sometimes, fortunately, it’s over. I recently cared for my daughter through her labour and was reminded that, when the pain of labour is over and a healthy new life is delivered, the memory of the pain soon fades away to make way for pleasure and wonder at what is possible as a result of real effort.
How does pain relate to coaching? Well, we don’t aim to inflict physical pain, although we find that helping people to identify and articulate the consequences of not taking action in a given situation can be painful for them. So is facing up to the truth about a situation and what this means. Recognising the impact of how we have behaved up to now can hurt as well.
We have found that where we are direct and honest with people, so that they can be truthful, they grasp responsibility for taking actions that they might not otherwise have contemplated. Facing the personal consequences of not taking action can be a powerful motivator, as can understanding that the pain to come will deliver a reward that will include pleasure and wonder about what is possible as a result of real effort.
Many executives have developed a high pain threshold, so sometimes we have to be very direct and challenging to jolt them into action. We do this carefully, mindful of the ethical guidelines and competencies of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
Where do you need to feel pain so that it will lead to learning and change? Think about it..."
© 2011 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
Thursday, April 01, 2010
3D Juggling 471: Listen!
Claire writes: 'Did you know that SILENT and LISTEN contain the same letters...
Try it!
Love this? Do us a favour and send it to five people. Who thinks like you? You could send it to someone who likes to talk!
Discuss this week's juggling at http://www.3dcoaching.blogspot.com/
© 2010 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
Claire writes: 'Did you know that SILENT and LISTEN contain the same letters...
Try it!
Love this? Do us a favour and send it to five people. Who thinks like you? You could send it to someone who likes to talk!
Discuss this week's juggling at http://www.3dcoaching.blogspot.com/
© 2010 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
Friday, February 12, 2010
3D Juggling 465: Why don’t they listen?
Jane writes: "I have a collection of postcards that I often use when working with groups. I invite group members to rummage through them and find one or two that they can use to help them describe something -maybe how it feels for them to be in their team, or what they want to achieve by the end of our time together. Out of all my postcards there are a few that almost always get selected. One of them shows a child holding the face of her mother in her hands to gain her attention and saying ‘Listen!’.
People use this picture to help them explain how they feel when no-one hears them, or when an organisation is unwilling to hear about issues that an individual or team believe are really important. Sometimes when an individual feels that they are not being heard it may be because they don’t know how to say what they need to say, and sometimes it may be that their target is not able to hear what they’re saying.
There are two things for us to take responsibility for here:
• working out what we need as a result of communicating (‘What is my desired outcome?’) so that we can work out what we need to say
• paying attention to others when they try to tell us something and checking that the message we received was the one they intended us to receive
What difference would that make in your workplace?
Because it can be difficult to do both of these things we offer a tool that helps individuals and teams to understand why they find it more difficult to be heard by some people or groups than others, and what they can do about it. We also use this tool to explore why we find some people harder to listen to than others, and how to help those people to help us to hear them.
We have used this tool to help people to raise difficult issues safely, building relationships where there was a fear that relationships might be harmed. We have used it to help team members resolve conflicts, enabling the team to work effectively so that it can regain credibility with its customers. We have used it to help teams’ present issues to senior managers with the needs of those managers so clear to them that their message, although challenging, was welcomed.
How could this tool help you?"
Love this? Do us a favour and send it to five people. Who thinks like you? You could send it to someone who says listen or who you would like to listen!
Discuss this week's juggling at http://www.3dcoaching.blogspot.com/
© 2010 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
Jane writes: "I have a collection of postcards that I often use when working with groups. I invite group members to rummage through them and find one or two that they can use to help them describe something -maybe how it feels for them to be in their team, or what they want to achieve by the end of our time together. Out of all my postcards there are a few that almost always get selected. One of them shows a child holding the face of her mother in her hands to gain her attention and saying ‘Listen!’.
People use this picture to help them explain how they feel when no-one hears them, or when an organisation is unwilling to hear about issues that an individual or team believe are really important. Sometimes when an individual feels that they are not being heard it may be because they don’t know how to say what they need to say, and sometimes it may be that their target is not able to hear what they’re saying.
There are two things for us to take responsibility for here:
• working out what we need as a result of communicating (‘What is my desired outcome?’) so that we can work out what we need to say
• paying attention to others when they try to tell us something and checking that the message we received was the one they intended us to receive
What difference would that make in your workplace?
Because it can be difficult to do both of these things we offer a tool that helps individuals and teams to understand why they find it more difficult to be heard by some people or groups than others, and what they can do about it. We also use this tool to explore why we find some people harder to listen to than others, and how to help those people to help us to hear them.
We have used this tool to help people to raise difficult issues safely, building relationships where there was a fear that relationships might be harmed. We have used it to help team members resolve conflicts, enabling the team to work effectively so that it can regain credibility with its customers. We have used it to help teams’ present issues to senior managers with the needs of those managers so clear to them that their message, although challenging, was welcomed.
How could this tool help you?"
Love this? Do us a favour and send it to five people. Who thinks like you? You could send it to someone who says listen or who you would like to listen!
Discuss this week's juggling at http://www.3dcoaching.blogspot.com/
© 2010 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
Monday, March 23, 2009
3D Juggling 422: Whirlpools
There's an Action Learning Set Facilitator Training coming up on 27th April and a new Coaching for Excellence starting in July. If you'd like to come, email sue@3dcoaching.com
Claire writes: "How often do we get in the way when we are listening to other people at work? As soon as we start thinking 'Oh really', 'Oh dear', 'Oh no...', we begin to get hooked into the story which we are hearing. And if the teller is feeling in a whirlpool, there's a high risk that we'll jump into the whirlpool as well!
Using a coaching approach at work means keeping out of the whirlpool. Keeping out! Because once we jump in, we both start to thrash about looking for a solution and a way forward. The coaches ability to help their colleague explore the situation from a new perspective is dependent on them being objective. And when the temptation is to dive in and rescue your colleague, consider what will happen next time they find a similar problem. Unless this is an emergency, it is usually far more productive to work with your colleague to come to a good solution themselves. The skill is to help them to see a way forward - by listening and helping them to see their situation differently."
Love this? Do us a favour and send it to five people. Who thinks like you? You could send it to someone who dives in!
Discuss this week's juggling at http://www.3dcoaching.blogspot.com/
© 2009 3D Coaching Ltd May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
There's an Action Learning Set Facilitator Training coming up on 27th April and a new Coaching for Excellence starting in July. If you'd like to come, email sue@3dcoaching.com
Claire writes: "How often do we get in the way when we are listening to other people at work? As soon as we start thinking 'Oh really', 'Oh dear', 'Oh no...', we begin to get hooked into the story which we are hearing. And if the teller is feeling in a whirlpool, there's a high risk that we'll jump into the whirlpool as well!
Using a coaching approach at work means keeping out of the whirlpool. Keeping out! Because once we jump in, we both start to thrash about looking for a solution and a way forward. The coaches ability to help their colleague explore the situation from a new perspective is dependent on them being objective. And when the temptation is to dive in and rescue your colleague, consider what will happen next time they find a similar problem. Unless this is an emergency, it is usually far more productive to work with your colleague to come to a good solution themselves. The skill is to help them to see a way forward - by listening and helping them to see their situation differently."
Love this? Do us a favour and send it to five people. Who thinks like you? You could send it to someone who dives in!
Discuss this week's juggling at http://www.3dcoaching.blogspot.com/
© 2009 3D Coaching Ltd May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
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