3D Juggling 501: No words

On BBC 2s Big Silence last week, Christopher Jameson said "Life would be transformed for the better if we learned to embrace silence". When that's positive it's transformational... but that's not always the case:

Jane writes: "I am reading a book called ‘The Help’ by Kathryn Stockett where she talks about a series of events which initiated a feeling of great bitterness. The character describes how her face went hot and her tongue went twitchy. She didn't know what to say, all she knew was that she wasn't saying it. She knew that the other person involved wasn't saying what she wanted to say either and noticed that there was a strange thing happening where nobody was saying anything yet they were still managing to have a conversation.

Sound familiar? Sometimes we don't respond to what we see and feel because we don't know how to in a way that keeps us safe. Sometimes we don't respond because we don't think it’s our place to do so.


What difference could it make in your organisation if you could help others to acknowledge and respond to what's really going on, to what's being understood through those silent conversations? Could you save the time that is currently being spent on trying to keep the lid on things, and then on dealing with the fallout with the lid flies off? Maybe less time spent dealing with grievances and investigations?

We try to keep our coaching interventions very simple. Simple does not mean easy. We aim to help other coaches achieve simplicity through our Coaching for Excellence development programme, where we strip away all the complexities that have become associated with effective coaching and focus on the core skill of truly listening, of responding to what they see and feel as well as what they hear.

Talk to us about how we can help you through supervision, or about our Coaching for Excellence programme."

Discuss this week's juggling at http://www.3dcoaching.blogspot.com/


© 2010 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Juggling 490: Litigation - or conversation?

Jane writes: "Are you having to find savings that mean other’s jobs might disappear?  Check out these statistics.  Last year the number of unfair dismissal claims accepted by employment tribunals increased by 9% to 57,400.  Claims associated with redundancy pay rose by 76% to 19,000.  Age discrimination claims rose by 37% to 5,200.

So how can you and your organisation minimise the risk of litigation when people have to leave even though they don’t want to?  When they’re not interested in the reasons why their job has gone, just the impact this has?  When they’re scared about the future and want someone to blame?  Obviously you need to follow any procedures that your organisation has put in place to comply with legislation, but how can you help people to leave with a good story to tell about their experience of leaving, even if they didn’t want to go? 

People are likely to be prepared to 'have a go' at making a claim because they don't have much to lose and could benefit to the tune of a few thousand pounds - even where you have followed all the correct procedures. They may be more likely to ‘have a go’ if they feel that their concerns and fears haven’t been considered, or if they feel that all the goodwill and expertise they have invested in your organisation is being treated as worthless.  So make time to talk, and to listen.  These are urgent and important tasks – make them a priority. 

Invite conversations about reality – theirs, not yours. Hear their concerns and fears without judgement.  You don’t need to take responsibility for what happens after they leave, but you should take responsibility for helping them to understand why they are leaving and what they are taking with them.  Help them to recognise and accept their responses to unwelcome change, and to recognise and articulate their skills and achievements so that they can explain these to others.  Thank them for whatever you can be honestly grateful for. 

The number of claims accepted by employment tribunals in 2009-10 was 236,100, an increase of 56% on the previous year. This is the highest figure on record.

What do you need to do to avoid being associated with this increase?"

Love this? If you need some help in your organisation to change your approach to restructuring, come out for a cup of coffee with us to talk about how we can help you.  We'll pay!

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May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

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Fact: Employment Tribunals are independent judicial bodies who determine disputes between employers and employees over employment rights http://www.employmenttribunals.gov.uk/.  Fighting a claim may cost £5k a day (and that doesn't include figures in respect of compensation).

3D Juggling 432: Words

Thanks to everyone for feedback on last week's juggling. It seems that there is a sizeable group of people who don't find goals helpful! Can you help us? We're looking for a couple of organisations to partner with us in the North and in the South West. If you're based in either area and would love to run a coaching skills programme in your organisation, but find the cost a barrier, call Claire on 0845 458 0154 to talk about partnering with us in running Coaching for Excellence for your people and opening up some spaces for external delegates. You get all the income which they bring in. Also a reminder that there are still places on the Action Learning course in London at the end of June.

Elizabeth writes: "Politics is a hot topic this week! A politician was in the news again for controversial remarks made in frustration with a reporter. For days he was hounded for an apology. Even if he didn’t intend to offend, he did.

The way we use language is always important. We are responsible for how we are heard as well as what we say. Our tone of voice and body language all contribute, and even when no malice is intended, these can lead to misunderstandings. As individuals, we all have different views, cultures and ethics and what offends one may be nothing to another. As living beings we have specific needs, feelings, values and opinions. We can cause injury and hurt through our careless concern or lack of empathy for the other.

The challenge is to communicate in a way that is heard and understood by someone so even if the message is difficult to hear, it does not deliberately offend. This can only come from dialogue rooted in self-esteem and a genuine sense of equality with the other person – an intention to connect with the other through mutual respect.

We can listen patiently and seek the truth that other people’s opinions may contain for us. Think it possible that we may be mistaken! Otherwise, differences + tension = conflict. How are you heard by colleagues?"

Love this? Do us a favour and send it to five people. Who thinks like you? You could send it to someone who feels misunderstood.

Discuss this week's juggling at http://www.3dcoaching.blogspot.com/

© 2009 3D Coaching Ltd May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com