3D Juggling 450: My new man

Welcome to Su Blanch, our newest team member. Su is a facilitator and trainer and has a background in HR with extensive experience in Pharma. Claire is joining Tim Skipper today for 20 miles of his canal walk from Milton Keynes to Welshampton to raise money for The Severn Hospice. If you'd like to cheer her on by sponsoring Tim, the link is http://www.justgiving.com/SHcanalotto2/

Lynn now has new man in her life. Her elder son Loren has hit 18 and if it has brought new challenges to the household.

Lynn writes “When Loren quite rightly demands to be treated as an adult, at times he is a little boy learning. We recently had a visit to the doctor's followed by organisation of an x ray and in the same day an appointment at the bank.Loren asked me to come with him on all three visits and I expected the usual routine of going in with him and leading the talking. He had other ideas. At the doctors he asked me to wait in the waiting room. The telephone call organising the x-ray had me in the room. Finally at the bank I was invited into the room and included.

Afterwards he thought I was cross with him. In fact I was confused about my role. It is right and proper that he takes control of his life but why was I at the doctors and in the room for the phone call? And having done those what was different at the bank?

Once we talked it became clear that he is in transition and that he needs to build his confidence. Thus Mum close by means he can take risks with backup, ask if he needs to, but have a go first.

How often with staff do we take their asking as a need for solution? I wonder how often people I managed would have been able to “have a go” if I had simply been close by?

Lauren taught me a valuable lesson about supporting and not solving as Jacob Bronowski, Mathematician and Biologist said: “We are all afraid for our confidence, for the future, for the world. That is the nature of the human imagination. Yet every man, every civilization, has gone forward because of its engagement with what it has set itself to do.”

Love this? Do us a favour and send it to five people. Who thinks like you? You could send it to someone who needs simply to be close by.

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Juggling in 3D 355: Taking up the role
Welcome to all our new subscribers. From this week, you can read Juggling in 3D from our blog http://3dcoaching.blogspot.com/ There's also a chance to post messages and read about new information and ideas. If you like what you see, please forward the link to others you know who will be interested.

Diane writes: Last week I took part in an exercise where I was given a sheet of paper with five concentric circles. Between the edge of each circle and in the very centre there was space to write. I was invited to write words in each of the circles that describe me. The facilitator pointed out that each time we do an exercise like this we will put words in different places, those closest to the centre are the most important descriptors each time we do it. I really enjoyed the exercise and was interested to see which words were closest to the centre. Suddenly a new word leapt into my brain, "Mother-in Law".

Two weeks ago we celebrated our younger daughter's wedding. It was a truly splendid affair which everyone tells me they enjoyed immensely. There was a very moving piece in the ceremony where the officiant helped my husband to hand over our daughter into the new relationship. There was all kinds of symbolism to be seen in the way each person's hands were linked. For me at that moment a new family unit was created. I became a "Mother-in-Law" and I have to work out with our daughter and her husband what that role will involve.

It is not often that we are reminded in such a wonderful and dramatic way about taking up a new role. It made me stop to reflect how often in the past I have failed to notice I am taking up a new role and perhaps not given it the attention it deserved. I feel it is worth asking ourselves the question everyday, "Who am I today? What roles do I need to prepare for?" I shall certainly be paying attention to how I take up my new role as "Mother-in Law"; it is one which needs to be worked at!

Email info@3dcoaching.com or call Diane on 0845 458 0156 if a coaching conversation will help you to take this forward.

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